Kill
by RabulaTasa
Summary: Beast Boy is having trouble with one of his less desirable instincts, and has a unique way of dealing with it.


**Disclaimer**: I don't own the Teen Titans.

_I am prepared to die, but there is no cause for which I am prepared to kill._  
-Mahatma Gandhi

* * *

_**Five Minutes From Six Feet Under**  
_

_It was only a bank robbery,_ she kept telling herself. _There was no reason for him to behave like that._

Raven floated a few feet above her bed, deep in thought. Obviously, being shot had set him off, but she thought he had more control than this. Were his inner demons returning to the surface?

_He came so close to **the line**, so close to passing the point of no return…_

Her thoughts hesitated, as though she was afraid of admitting to herself what she had seen in her teammate's eyes, what she had felt in his mind as she stood between him and the unconscious thief. She gave an involuntary shudder at the thought. Of all people, she'd never expected _this_ of _him._

_I've never seen Beast Boy ready… to kill… before._

* * *

_Earlier that day..._

"Titans- trouble!"

Eight eyes, eight ears, and four heads snapped to attention at the announcement. Robin stood in the doorway, calling them to action.

"Bank robbery gone bad downtown, and they've got hostages!"

In a flash, five teenaged superheroes were out the door. The demon, the alien, and the changeling took to the skies while the hybrid and the human took to the streets. In record time, the team found themselves outside Jump City Regional Bank. The building was surrounded by S.W.A.T. teams and police officers behind patrol vehicles, while ambulances idled in the rear, paramedics ready to race in and collect the wounded at a moment's notice. The doors and windows were all barricaded with the heavy oak tables so abundant inside bank buildings, preventing police entry or sniper action. The Titans were the only real hope that the innocent civilians trapped inside had of escaping from this nightmare unharmed.

Beast Boy had been reconnaissance, scoping out the inside of the building and reporting back what he'd seen.

Six heavily armed robbers in the center of the room and thirty thoroughly terrified civilians with their backs to the walls. An explosive entry was out of the question. That meant the roof.

Raven transported the team to the top of the building, and phased through the ceiling.

_Three._

_Two._

_Go!_

Throwing out her hands, the empath formed a black dome around the criminals, preventing them from attacking her friends or the hostages. At the same time, Cyborg blasted a hole in the roof just above their heads, dropping the team into the building. Immediately, Starfire turned the makeshift barricade into a toothpick collection, allowing the thirty relieved hostages to make their way to safety, leaving the Titans alone with six very angry villains.

A small explosion inside the bubble shattered it, and the game was on.

* * *

Surprisingly, Raven was the first to go down. She was too focused on removing the Uzis from the thieves' hands to notice the flash-bang thrown down at her feet. The resulting disruption shattered her concentration and took her solidly out of the fight.

A sickening thud cracked through the air as a green gorilla viciously crashed two skulls together, evening out the fight to four versus four.

A blue beam shot across the room courtesy of Cyborg, hitting one villain in the head and knocking him down for the count. A sharp cry sprang from the acrobat's mouth before he passed out, a taser held in his opponent's hand. Three on three, now.

The alien threw one of the more reluctant robbers bodily from the building, where he found himself surrounded by a large number of irritated law enforcement officials. He smartly surrendered, but not before another teammate knocked his assailant out of the air with another well timed flash-bang. Two on two.

Cyborg grabbed the nearest thief in a powerful bear hug and was rewarded with a system reboot as a powerful electrical current tore through his metallic frame. He fell forward, pinning his attacker to the ground.

"One on one," said Beast Boy.

"Mano a mano," replied the robber.

"Man to beast," corrected the changeling.

"Just you…"

"and me."

Raven groaned and sat up, her hand on her throbbing head. Then she saw a flash out of her half closed eyes, and immediately forgot about her pounding headache.

"… and my gun!"

The criminal whipped out a second automatic weapon from behind his back and began firing madly at his green opponent, who immediately took on the shape of a grizzly and charged in. Raven tore the weapon from his hands, but not before he got a few good shots in. Unfortunately, shooting a grizzly bear with a nine millimeter round isn't going to do much but piss him off.

Raven watched on helplessly, stupefied at the ferocity with which her teammate was attacking the thief. She could feel his blind rage, the fury that drove him. Instantly, she teleported herself between the green bear and his almost unconscious… prey. She couldn't come up with a better word to describe what Beast Boy's emotions saw the criminal as, and it frightened her.

"Beast Boy! Stop!"

The bear stared at her, a primal gleam in his eyes. His maw widened as he roared, displaying a mouth full extraordinarily vicious looking teeth. For the first time in a long while, Raven felt afraid _of_ one of her friends.

And then, as suddenly as it had appeared, the predatory look vanished from his face. As he resumed his human form, it was replaced with the emotion that she had so recently felt.

Fear.

"I- I... I need to go, now."

And without another word, the changeling raced out of the building, leaving behind a very confused and worried Raven behind.

* * *

The team had returned to the Tower after turning the robbers over to police custody. Raven's fears were somewhat alleviated when Cyborg announced that the security system showed Beast Boy entering the Tower after he'd left the bank, but she wasn't completely sure of his mental state quite yet. However, she had her own emotional problems that needed immediate handling, and that meant meditation.

Ten minutes later, she was floating over her bed, unable to meditate as thoughts and worries raced around her mind.

* * *

Up on the roof, a green squirrel sat on top of the security camera, thinking over the events of the day.

After a few minutes, the squirrel hopped down to the ground and became a human again.

A human that wasn't looking forward to what he was about to do _at all_.

* * *

Cyborg was working in the living room when the doors opened, revealing a somewhat… ruffled… Raven.

"Have you by any chance seen Beast Boy since we got back?"

Cyborg cocked an eyebrow before answering. Raven was _looking _for Beast Boy? The robotic Titan caught a glimpse of green behind his empathetic friend.

"Yeah, he just passed behind you."

Raven spun around to face a slightly startled Beast Boy.

"Beast Boy," she said, "I want to talk with you."

Cyborg's eyebrow moved a little higher. Raven _wanted _to talk with Beast Boy? He looked out the window, just to make sure the world wasn't ending.

"Sorry, can't talk right now," the changeling replied.

Yep, world's still out there.

"But," continued Beast Boy, "you can watch if you want."

Cyborg's eye nearly came out of its socket. What the hell?! He spun to face his friend, on the verge of voicing his confusion, when he saw the expression on Beast Boy's face.

_Oh. That._

Raven had told the team a little about why the last criminal caught was in such bad shape. Cyborg realized what Beast Boy was going to show Raven, and realized that he didn't want to be anywhere near the two. It always nauseated him to watch.

_Better Raven than me._

* * *

"Why… are we in the training room?" asked Raven.

"To train."

She rolled her eyes. "Don't tell me you're turning into Robin. Training yourself into numbness isn't exactly healthy, you know."

Beast Boy gave her a sidelong look.

"It's not quite what you think it is, even though Robin _did_ design it especially for situations like this."

Raven blinked.

"Robin knew? Well, truth be told, I'm not surprised he knew. Or that he didn't tell us. But…"

"Surprised you didn't figure it out too?" He was grinning.

"How long?" she asked, ignoring his last statement.

Beast Boy's ears fell an inch. "Since just after the Beast incident with Adonis."

"Beast Boy, you don't have to beat yourself up over that- Cyborg cured you, remember?"

"This is part of the cure. Robin designed it, and Cyborg built it. We didn't tell you or Starfire because… well, I don't really know why we didn't tell _you_. Starfire would throw a fit if she knew."

He'd piqued her curiosity, damn him! "Knew what?"

The changeling looked straight at her, then to the wall behind her. "You know how we all have our little emotional 'release valves?' Robin trains, Cyborg works on the car, Starfire cooks and cares for Silkie, you…"

Death glare.

"… throw me out the window…"

Death glare plus smirk.

"… and I have my jokes. But I also have to deal with my instincts, and for that I have training program 17.539."

Raven raised an eyebrow. None of the training programs had decimals. At least, none that she was aware of.

"I'm the only one that can initiate it, which is probably why you've never seen it before. The decimals are to make absolutely certain nobody else accidentally triggers it somehow. Here, let me show you."

Beast Boy walked over to the computer terminal and placed his palm on the scanner. Cyborg's voice played through the speakers.

"Hey there grass stain! Robin finally got your lazy butt down here, I see! Pick your poison, and let's get it on! Woo!"

Beast Boy poked around for a little bit on the screen before selecting program 17.539.

"Woah man," said a serious Cyborg, "are you _sure_ you want to do this one? You know the rules."

Raven frowned, not entirely certain of what was going on. Beast Boy poked the screen once more, and Cyborg's voice rang out again.

"Alright little buddy, 17.539 it is. Get your supervisor over here."

_Supervisor?_ asked Raven to herself.

"Come on over here Rae…ven. You've got to scan yourself in too."

The empath's eyes narrowed. "Why, exactly, do I need to scan myself in? You're the one who needs the training, not me."

Beast Boy shook his head. "You're not participating, you're here as a safety. I can't stop the program once inside it, so someone needs to be outside to stop it if something goes wrong, or if an alert is called."

"If I need to stop it… why? Why can't you stop it yourself?"

"The whole point of the program is that I can't stop it myself. I have to go through it the entire way, or until I get knocked out. Please, just do this for me."

Raven sighed and walked over to the console. She almost scanned her palm, but hesitated again once she read the program's description.

"Beast Boy… this is one of _my_ training programs. One of the harder ones, in fact. Are you sure about this?"

"Yes, I am. All of my training programs are about shifting to appropriate forms quickly and efficiently while dodging and blocking attacks. Yours are geared more towards opponents capable of breaking one of your shields. I don't need to dodge here, I need heavy hitters, so Robin borrowed one of your programs and modified it. Please, can we start?"

Raven felt uneasy about this whole business, but she palmed the screen nonetheless. Cyborg's voice piped up once again.

"Alright Raven, I hope he's told you what you're getting into here. Don't let him die or anything, but don't kill the program unless it's necessary- an early shut down means he'll have to start over from the beginning later on. Oh, and if you need them, the barf bags are under the chair. We just restocked after the last time he did this, so there should be plenty."

Yeah, this was definitely starting to sound like a mistake.

* * *

Beast Boy nervously walked out into the middle of the room. Oh, he hated doing this. This sucked, and royally so. But, it had to be done. He steeled himself before calling out to Raven.

"Remember: don't stop unless I'm unconscious or the alarm goes off!"

She nodded, and pressed a button on the console.

Immediately a blue force field surrounded him, fencing off an area of about one thousand square feet. An opponent fell from an opening in the ceiling and stood up to confront the green Titan. In his conscious mind, Beast Boy knew it was a robot, but the holographic projectors (absent in Raven's program- one of the modifications Robin made) fooled his subconscious into believing it was a human. Which was exactly what he needed right now.

The changeling turned into an armadillo and curled into a ball, waiting for his opponent to strike him.

* * *

_What in Azar's name is that idiot doing? He's just sitting there waiting to be hit!_

Raven fumed. Was this how was Beast Boy to vent his aggression? By curling into a ball and allowing himself to be beaten into a pulp? No, that made no sense.

_So what exactly is going on here?_

Then the robot kicked the armadillo in front of him, bouncing it off the force field. Another robot dropped from the ceiling and caught the rebounding changeling before punting it to the other side of the arena.

Raven felt under the chair. That bag might come in handy soon.

Another two robots dropped from the ceiling.

Real soon.

* * *

Beast Boy was hurting, and he knew it.

After the sixth robot showed up, he'd abandoned the armadillo for a sea turtle. If his opponents had been human, he'd have been able to ignore their attacks. Unfortunately, each one hit about as hard as Cyborg did, so ignoring them was... difficult.

After the tenth robot appeared, he'd opted for a Galapagos tortoise. Their increased mass and heavier shells offered more of a reprieve from the thrashing, but he would soon need more.

Finally, a little after three and a half minutes, the fifteenth and final robot dropped to attack him, and he knew that it was time to change one last time. The tortoise became a giant ground sloth; its enormous size, extraordinarily thick skin, and dense fur would be invaluable for what was coming up.

The timer hit four minutes, and in each of the robots' hands appeared a short knife.

* * *

If Raven had been at a loss for words, she was now on the verge of tears. Not only had she trapped her friend inside a force field with _fifteen murderous robots with knives_, but she had to stand by and watch helplessly as he didn't even defend himself!

Deciding that she had seen enough, Raven began to initiate the simulator's emergency shutdown; however, Cyborg had apparently anticipated this reaction and the computer in front of her spoke up.

"Remember- if you stop it before he's done, he'll have to start all over again. He's only got a minute left to go, so bear with him."

She leaned back into the chair and glanced back up at Beast Boy, before reaching under the chair for another bag.

* * *

Beast Boy winced as the robots tore into him. The blades were only an inch long, the lacerations he was receiving were the equivalent of a paper cut to the _Megatherium_ form he currently resided in. Still... paper cuts _hurt_. And a few thousand paper cuts hurt _a lot_. Finally, he heard the signal announcing that he had reached the five minute mark and the end of the program.

The holograms vanished, revealing the robotic killers beneath. Beast Boy transformed into an ankylosaurus and made short work of his assailants. Ten seconds later, all that was left was a pile of broken circuitry and twitching limbs.

The force field melted away, and he saw Raven hunched over behind the console, apparently vomiting. In a flash, he was by her side.

"Rae! Are you alright?"

Raven finished depositing her previous meal in the brown bag and disposed of it in the incinerator chute next to her. Then she furiously turned on her friend, her eyes aglow.

"AM I ALRIGHT?! YOU COULD HAVE DIED!"

Beast Boy nervously backed up a step and raised his hands defensively.

"That's the whole point, Raven! Besides, I'm not too badly hurt! I've done this a few times already, and nobody's noticed besides the guy supervising!"

Raven paused, reflecting on what he'd just said. As much as she hated to admit it, he was right. She had been so _certain_ that he emerge with horrible gashes and four broken limbs, but nothing like that was evident now. He had some bruises and a ton of tiny little cuts, and that was it. She'd seen him in worse condition after fighting Cinderblock, now that she thought about it.

"How on earth did those knives do so little damage? By all rights, you should be bleeding to death right now!"

"Simple math, Rae… ven." He grinned broadly. "Fifteen one inch blades versus a twenty foot, four ton behemoth with tough enough skin to stop a saber-toothed tiger." He puffed his chest out proudly. "Thought of it myself, in fact!"

Raven rolled her eyes and walked towards the door. "Well, I guess you've got to have _some_ area of expertise, and animals would be the logical choice."

Then she paused, turning back towards Beast Boy's grinning face. "By the way, what on earth was the point of this whole exercise? How does you getting the tar beaten out of you help with your… issues?"

Beast Boy's grin got even broader, and he began skipping in circles around the empath while shouting in a singsong voice.

"Raven doesn't know! Raven doesn't know! Raven doesn't know-hrk!"

Beast Boy found himself dangling in midair, his face upside down and inches away from a somewhat disgruntled Raven.

"Beast Boy, at the _very least_ you owe me an explanation for having to watch that… horrific display of brutality. Thank your lucky planet and stars underwear that I'm not going to use you as a broom to clean the whole tower with."

Beast Boy shrugged. "Fair 'nuff. Oof!" Raven released Beast Boy, dropping him unceremoniously on the ground. He sat up and rubbed his head gingerly.

"Well, I imagine it's a lot like your meditation, I suppose."

"My meditation doesn't try to kill me, last I checked."

"Like when Cyborg and I were in there?"

"… Point taken."

"Right. It's an exercise in controlling my instincts- while I'm in there, every fiber of my being is screaming 'Kill it! Kill it!' because… well, because they're trying to kill me. The objective is to go for five minutes without attacking- I'm… what's the word?"

"Suppressing?"

"Yeah, that one. I'm suppressing the instinct to lash out and defend myself aggressively, like I did today at the bank. Instead, I have to consciously choose a passive defense. Just like your meditation to keep your emotions under control, this gives me practice in keeping my instinctive aggression under control."

Raven was suitably impressed. She hadn't thought that the little green twerp had the ability to understand her meditation nearly as well as he had just described, much less show the capacity to adapt it towards his own personal goals.

"Well," said Raven, "I'm going to go get some more meditation done. If you want me to, I can heal those cuts and bruises for you before I do."

Beast Boy nodded. "That'd be… nice."

Raven reached out, and a blue glow enveloped her friend. In a flash, his injuries were gone. She turned and floated towards the door. Just before it closed, however…

"Hey Raven?"

She paused.

"Thanks… a lot."

She smiled, her back still towards him.

"You're welcome."

The door shut behind her.

* * *

Before Raven reached her room, however, she had one stop to make- the garage.

"Cyborg."

The robotic hero looked up at his friend, sheathing the wrench in his hand… in his hand.

"Well, you don't look too much the worse for wear. How'd he do?"

Raven glared at him. "He's fine. You could have at least _warned_ me."

Cyborg shrugged nonchalantly. "How many?"

Raven looked down at her feet. "Three."

He chuckled. "Well, don't feel too bad- Robin used five his first time, and he grew up with the Bat for crying out loud."

"And you?"

He laughed again. "Stomach of steel Raven. I couldn't if I wanted to…" he trailed off for a second. "And believe me, I wanted to. I couldn't eat for a _day_ after that! Ugh." He gave an exaggerated shudder before returning to his work.

Raven smirked and floated off to her room. As she left, she could have sworn she heard her friend mutter under his breath.

"And I'd do it again in a heartbeat, if the little guy needed it."

_So would I, Cyborg. So would I._


End file.
